Monday, December 7, 2015

The Fixer

Having moved back to the day shift after 12 years of working in the evenings/nights has been a tough transition.  I rather like being back on a normal schedule, but I miss the sun terribly.  This would be much easier in the summer.

I know there are lots of people out there who are wondering why and if it's permanent or temporary and all sorts of other stuff.  I don't mean to be mysterious. 

The truth is, I haven't answered those questions because I don't know the answer myself right now.  

There is a lot going on.  I may be looking for a new job.  I may not.  I may be going back to the night shift.  Or not.  

As much as the mystery may be bugging you, it's nothing to my own frustration.

But here is a truth you may have noticed about me - I am a fixer. 

When things break, go wrong, don't work, whatever; I may flail around for a bit - curse, swear, rage, cry, whatever.  Then I get on with fixing it. 

This near compulsion is usually a double edged sword and is often a burden that I would like to put down.  People tell me about problems and my mind immediately starts trying to come up with a solution.  That may sound like a good thing, but most people don't actually want solutions, they just want to talk about the problem.  Long after they've said their piece and moved on my stubborn mind is still trying to fix the problem.  It causes me a great deal of frustration and bafflement.  I purposely limit my exposure to news for the same reason. It is not that I don't care.  It is that I care too much, that I can't help thinking of solutions that no one wants.  That, and the curse of empathy.

Still, a fixer is who I am, even when I wish it were otherwise.

I don't know how I am going to fix this yet, but fix it I will. 

Because here is another fundamental truth of my life - no one else is going to.

I've been employed since I was 11 years old.  I've been supporting myself since I was 16.  I've paid for every flake of hay my horses have ever eaten and that is not going to change. 

My herd may be confused by my odd shifting of night and day, but they will continue to live in the luxury to which they are accustomed. 

Because I will fix this.


  1. Hey, don't forget about your faithful friends that are always here for you!

  2. Love love love that last photo.
    I too am a fixer and it drives me nutty that some people just want to complain and expect the universe to sort it.

    Good luck with the fixing you are doing.

  3. Good for you, you are an 'in charge' type of person!

  4. Dear Fixer: You are also a wonderful photographer!

  5. I like your header. Very creative! I can relate to being a "fixer". Over time, I have learned to sit back, relax and try to figure out if the person is looking for a "fix", or just expressing themselves. Usually, they will ask for involvement. Good luck onthe new time change and your fixing!

  6. I so admire your determination and grit!!!! Perseverance! It's what I teach my first graders and you are the embodiment of it! Hang in there and Good luck!

  7. I do know what you are talking about. In the last 3 months I have came a complete circle. From selling most of my animals, putting my place up for sale, applying for jobs in dozen different states, to packing up my house. Only to come back around to finding out where I am right now and what I am doing is pretty much what I need to come to terms with, make peace with and work from right there. So I am making do and finding passion it it also. It's okay to lie to ourselves a little. I start with the little things like painting and fixing a long time waiting flat tire and it builds motivation and confidence. I do hope you can find your answers in your gut and heart instead of your God-blessed fix-it mind. But then again I really have no idea what is broken. You will get this. I know you will.

  8. Change change change and isn't it interesting how much easier our animals adjust. We need to take those lessons (me included). I'm a fixer in some ways but a worrier in others. You are strong and being on your own MAKES you a fixer. I've never asked what you do (and I'm sure I could read back and find out). Regardless - best with your job and yes, the sun will come back out - all of us hate these short northern days to be sure! A bit more than a week and we start adding back minutes - YAYYYYYY!

  9. Being a fixer does have its own drawbacks but overall it is a strong way to be. You are right though about people not "really" wanting to fix their issues but just wanting to talk about the problem. You keep fixing things! Wonderful photo's to accompany wise words!

  10. I have total faith that in due time you will accomplish the "fix" needed to right your world. Hang in there! :-)

  11. I'm so sorry your life is in such turmoil right now. I spent many years in your shoes and know how that "its up to me" feeling. I hope things settle down, one way or the other, soon.

    Your shots of the hoar frost are gorgeous. Makes me want to head out the door with my camera, too.

    Hang in there.

  12. Good luck, Kris, we are two of a kind

  13. your pictures are breathtaking