The End of the Cold War

I've seen a few hints here and there over the past few weeks along with a couple of tentative overtures and then, yesterday, Ben and Albert finally decided to be buddies.  It took 18 months for Ben and Ramsey to be friends, but only half that for these two.  Definite progress:)

Donkeys do things in their own time and their own way, and there is no way to change that and let them still be donkeys.  It may not seem like a big thing to us, but a change in the herd is a big deal them.  The only thing we can do is make sure that they have all the things they need to be healthy and happy - food they don't have to fight over, enough space that the they never feel crowded, a shelter they feel safe and comfortable in and time enough to learn that they can trust all of it.  We could probably end all wars if we could figure out how to give those few things to everyone.

Donkey Algebra

Ben is sound and healthy and seems very happy and content these days.  He was a bit aloof when he first came here and somewhat wary in a quiet, stoic way.  Dave tells me that he was always that way at his place too.  Ben is coming out of that shell though as he adjusts to living here.  I think he is thriving in a small, non-threatening, close-knit herd.

Ben strikes me as more of a lover rather than a fighter and he dislikes conflict or drama of any sort.  I think he has spent most of his life at the bottom the pecking order and, rather than fight his way up, he stays on the edges and works to avoid confrontation.

The only exception to this is where food is involved as he was rather guarded and defensive about his food when he arrived.  However, that faded once he realized that there is always something edible available to him here.  He might have to go looking for it or work to get it out of the nets, but it is always there and that relieves a huge source of stress for him.  He was terribly annoyed by the hay nets at first, but he has come to appreciate them.

I have also found all of Ben's favorite scratchy spots and make a point of spending time with him every morning, after his vitamin breakfast, rubbing his ears and scratching his withers.  Now, instead of being aloof, he follows me around like a puppy and comes when I call.

Ben is incredibly sweet and lovable and even Ramsey is starting to accept him more - as long as he gets hugs and scratches at the same time Ben does.  Ramsey requires two scratches for every one that Ben gets, which Ramsey thinks is fair since he is half Ben's size.  That is donkey algebra for you.

Ben is gradually becoming a true part of the herd and the more integrated he becomes, the more relaxed and content he is.   Ramsey would still like him to disappear on occasion, but much to Ramsey's dismay, Ben does not feel intimidated by him in the least.  It drives Ramsey a little crazy sometimes, but he is working it out.

Ben is still very intimidated by Tessa, but she is the least threatening horse on the planet and she loves donkeys.  He is gradually figuring that out, although he doesn't entirely trust it just yet.

All in all, I think that Ben is happy here and learning to be very content.  He has also figured out that I have fallen pretty hard for him and he is learning how to keep me wrapped around his not-so-little ears.  I think Ramsey may be giving him lessons in secret.

Mr. Himself

Several have wondered what Mr. Himself thinks about having Ben around.  There was even the suggestion (gasp!) that I might have forgotten about Himself.  Trust me on this one:  that. is. not. possible.  EVER.

I would like to be able to say that Ramsey was thrilled to have another donkey - another gelding - here to play with.  But, not so much.

He has gone through several phases and even contemplated stealing the keys and running away.

After a bit more thought, he has decided to stay.  For now.

Ramsey's reactions to Ben have progressed down a distinct path.  Something along the lines of:

• Fearful trepidation.  Followed by:
• WTF!!!! Seriously Ma, WTF????  Followed by:
• "If I don't see him, he doesn't exist."  Followed by:
• "OK, he exists.  What am I supposed to do about it?  Followed by:
• "I hate him, make him go away."  Followed by:
• "OK, he is here.  I accept that.  I'm not sure what to do about it, but I am resigned to my fate"  Followed by:
• Tentative gesture of friendship from Ben.  Followed by:
• Befuddled acceptance from Ramsey.  Followed by:
• Tentative gesture of affection toward Emma from Ben.  Followed by:
• "Hey wait, is that my MOM he's talking to?!?  That's MY mom!  Followed by:
• "I hate him.  That's MY mom and MY person and MY barn and MY UNIVERSE!!!

So, Mr Himself has rather got his ears bent out of shape.  He is terribly jealous and rather befuddled, much like a young child who has suddenly gotten a new and unwanted sibling.  Ben has been understanding and stoic for the most part.  He generally pays no mind to Ramsey's quandary and works to avoid conflict - except where food is involved.  Ben does like his food and will not back down from it just because one spoiled and confused little donkey tries to tell him too.

Before you start feeling too terribly sorry for little Himself though...I am trying to spend a bit of extra time with him and help show him that Ben is OK.  I also think that this is good for Ramsey even if it is a little hard.  He has been rather sheltered here and he has never met any other donkeys.  I think it is good and important for him to learn how to get along with others.  I wish he could have been around more donkeys when he was a baby, but that was not possible.

It is good for all animals to get used to the wide world and I worry that mine don't get to see enough of it.  It is fine as long as their world does not change, but all worlds change eventually and it is better if they have the skills to face it.  Given time, I think Ramsey and Ben may yet become friends.  I hope so anyway.

They are still thinking about it.

The nice thing about donkeys is that they do think about it.  They are not entirely happy with each other yet, but they are willing to share space without any real squabbles and they are getting better about sharing food.

As for Mr. Himself.....he may have his ears bent out of joint just a bit....

But it hasn't entirely ruined his world and it isn't keeping him up at night - or afternoons.

Stable Relations

The new herd dynamics are still sorting themselves out.  As always, I find the study of herd dynamics to be fascinating.  The big difference that I see between introducing new horses and introducing new donkeys is a difference in speed, velocity and drama.  Horses are all about galloping around, flying hooves, blowing, snorting, squealing and posturing.  Hierarchy is paramount and must be established.  There is much drama when introducing new horses.

Things are muuuch slower and more cerebral with donkeys.  They look at each other, maybe get close enough to sniff, then they back off, pretend the other doesn't exist and go their separate ways to think about the situation.  They come back later and repeat, getting a bit closer each time, but still backing off to think things through.

The only place this does not work well is in the barn where things can get crowded.  Emma and Ramsey are still very intimidated by Ben and he is a bit pushy about food.  He is not mean about it, but they get scared and want to escape, which can be problematic in the an enclosed space.

So, I got out the power tools and made some minor changes.

This is what the back of the barn has looked like for the past several years (minus the big donkey).....

That back, left corner is Emma's favorite spot.  It is where she chose to give birth to Ramsey.

Emma and Ramsey can duck under the center board and put a barrier between themselves and Tessa if they want to.  She is good to them, but they hate feeling crowded, especially Emma, and this partial wall gives them a space of their own to feel safe.

It still works great if I lock Ben in that stall, but that is not a viable long-term option.

I took the stall partition down....

...and replaced it with a single long board that little donkeys can pass under easily and big donkeys cannot.

If I have to, I can add another board down the center and create a space that is accessible to little donkeys only.  We will see how this works for now though.  Hopefully, they will all keep thinking about things and eventually decide, in their own donkey way and in their own donkey time, to get along.  For now, I just want everyone to be safe and not feel threatened.

The key to having a happy herd is to make sure that everyone feels safe, well fed, and not crowded.  If any one of those three things is lacking, there will be problems.  Which is true for all animals, including humans.  It is too bad we so often forget, or choose to ignore that.

Peace Talks

Important negotiations always take place over food...

and they do say that the family that breaks bread together, stays together.

Even if there are some disagreements along the way.

As long as the food holds out....

peace talks can continue.

Herd Dynamics

Getting a  new horse is always a major adjustment for both horses and humans.  The first couple of weeks are always the most critical since the patterns and boundaries established now will impact the herd dynamics for as long as the herd exists.  The herd hierarchy is perhaps the most important thing to a horse.  And, here's the thing, most horses don't really care where they fall in the hierarchy as long as they know.  Their individual personality will generally determine where in the pecking order they wind up.  Some horses are natural born leaders and will be the alpha in any herd  (my old mare Suki is like that, she is the queen and every horse she has ever met acknowledges it) some horses are followers and get really stressed if forced into a leadership role. 

Horses have to work all this out on their own and there isn't much we humans can do about the final hierarchy.  However, regardless of how the horses sort themselves out, the human involved has to be the herd leader.   If you aren't, you are going to get hurt.  Here is where novice horse owners so often get in terrible trouble.  I can't count the number of times I have been contacted by someone who bought a wonderful, sweet, well-trained horse and a few months later the horse is aggressive, pushy and downright scary.  

Here's what happens when a new horse comes home:

• Days 1-3, the horse is unsure of his new surroundings and is on his best behavior.  He will follow any lead. 
• Days 4-7, the horse gets more familiar and comfortable in his new home and begins to test his new herd-mates (INCLUDING HUMANS) to figure out where in the herd he will be.  If there is a strong alpha in the group, that horse will establish dominance and may run-off the new horse until she feels the new horse is not a threat to the others
• Days 7-30, the herd will explore and test each other and will eventually fall into an intricate yet stable dynamic.  (The time involved will depend on the personalities.  Really, this can happen in an hour or take several months but, usually happens in the time-frame I've listed.) 

Here is where trouble can start (and this is assuming that the horse actually is suitable for a novice, so often they aren't).  The initial tests a horse will offer to a new owner are very subtle and often go overlooked.  It usually starts as a very small invasion of space or ears slightly turned back.  The horse will move into the person (maybe just an inch) and the person steps back (just an inch) and the horse has just established that he is dominant.  Every subsequent test is more aggressive and eventually, the horse is treating the person as a subordinate.  At this point, there are two likely scenarios:

1. The new owner seeks expert help and learns to reestablish her leadership role.  Through hard work and training the horse once again becomes the sweet, obedient horse the new owner was expecting.  They both move forward into the never-ending journey that is horse ownership.  
2. The horse becomes progressively hard to handle.  He also becomes more unkempt and out of condition as the owner becomes ever more disillusioned and unhappy with horse ownership.  This horse often ends up being shipped to an auction where his unruly temper and poor condition gain him a one-way trip to a meat-packing plant in Canada or Mexico.  The owner may have been lucky enough to have avoided serious injury but no longer wants anything to do with horses.

Fortunately, I was expecting a bit of testing from Gabriel so I was ready for it when it showed up last week (on day five).  I use a little plastic sled to drag hay out into the pasture.  As I was spreading the hay out into many little piles for the horses, Gabe approached me with his ears laid back trying to push me away from the food.  I pushed back.  I made myself very tall, stared hard and walked toward him with intent (my ears would have been back if they could've been).  He veered off to another hay pile but, he did it with ill grace.  I pushed him off that hay pile, he moved but flicked his tail at me and tossed his head on the way to the next pile.  I kept pushing him off until he did it without argument and finally lowered his head, relaxed his ears and worked his jaw on his way to the next pile.  I immediately relaxed my posture, unpinned my ears and moved off to finish my job.  During this exchange, I never moved at anything other than a deliberate walk, did not raise a hand or say a word.

Once I had finished spreading the hay I walked up to Gabe, he politley moved one step out of my way and I scratched his neck and retrieved my sled.  Test over.  I'm in charge, we both win.