Thursday, July 30, 2020

Floundering

First, THANK YOU for all the kind comments about Kaia.  While I may not respond to them directly, please know that I read every one and greatly appreciate every comment.  I don't respond because.....I just can't.  It is always hard to open a heart that has been repeatedly damaged by grief, but kaia was a huge, vivid spirit that would not allow for anything less.  Now, I am having a hard time saying goodbye to her and I just can't talk about it.  

As for why she died, we still don't know.  The preliminary pathology report said that she was healthy in every way except for a great deal of fluid and blood in her lungs from pulmonary embolism.   We are waiting on the histology report to explain WHY and HOW she had pulmonary emboli.  All I can do is speculate at this point and the most likely speculations are that she died from a snake bite or a rare thing that sometimes happens to super fit, athletic dogs that (for unknown reasons) have a sudden drop in blood sodium levels.  I don't entirely understand that one, but it occasionally happens in hunting and sled dogs after exertion.  Kaia had just been racing after chipmunks with her best friend, Ian, ran into the pond to cool off, which she did all the time, and died.

When I have better answers, I will let you know.  The vet's office is now telling me it may be 3-4 weeks before I get the histology back to answer those questions.  Since I have spent the past 20 years working in a histology lab and I know damn well it does not take 3-4 weeks, this is just adding to me stress.  

That is all I can manage about Kaia right now so let's move on before I have to just give up completely.

***

I lost my new job because of the COVID mess.  I could easily get another histology job, but it would mean selling my farm and moving, which I do not want to do.  I am also really burned out on Histology and our broken healthcare system so I want to try something different so I am trying to set up an online shop to sell some of my artwork.  Etsy is an option, but their fees are very high and many artists say they no longer have good results with it.  I am trying to set up a page on my blog and am floundering around trying to figure that out.  You may see some odd posts pop up as a result.  

I did have a plan in mind and then Kaia.......this is why I loathe the word "plan".  

I have set up a facebook page, which you can find here if you are so inclined: https://www.facebook.com/The-Dancing-Donkey-104011334727955

Just liking and sharing the page could be a big help to me.  I am also on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/thedancingdonkey/.

I trying to set something up on the blog though, because I want all of you to have first dibs on anything I make.  You guys have all become part of the Dancing Donkey family and who else do you hit up to buy your stuff when the shit hits the fan?   

***

I floundered my way through this post.  I hope it is comprehensible and I hope you understand that all this comes from the heart....a broken that I am trying to hold together the only way an old farm woman knows how - with duct tape, baling twine, grit, work and forcing myself forward because the animals still need to be fed, the fields still need to be mowed, the hay still needs to be stacked.  The sun still comes up every day.

18 comments:

  1. Yes, totally comprehensible – and understandable. Hugs.

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  2. and the love and support of your friends and "family" are still here to support you and help you when you falter.

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  3. I am sorry for your loss. You are right though in saying the rest of the critters need to be cared for. Kaia is our newest star in the heavens.

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  4. Praying there will be answers for you on every front, Kris.

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  5. I will share your IG and FB pages. There are people in the artist community who are wonderfully generous with advice. (I'm not an artist, I'm an author - different advice.) Put yourself out there and you'll get help with selling your work, I'm sure.

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  6. Oh my, how horrible for you. It must have been so traumatic for you when it happened and then to lose your job. Fuck. I wish I had comforting words. I really do.

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  7. What they said. Kiss the Donkeys for us. Hugs.

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  8. Sometimes life is so damn hard!! There rarely seems to be any easy answers. But I'm so glad you had her for the time you did because you gave her a special, magical life of wonderful play in the country. If only all dogs could be so lucky.

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  9. No words I can think of will lessen your grief. Kaia deserves the marker of respect that comes of a loving owners grief. You will be in my prayers. Wishing you healing and blessings.

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  10. I’ll ask some of my photog friends about their websites.

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  11. I'm so sorry about you losing your job. I hope you find something that you enjoy a whole lot more.

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  12. Kris, I hate all the undo stress this Covid pandemic has placed on all of us! This to shall pass! When I met you through Vicki I saw a amazingly strong, caring and loving of animals woman that you are. I just wanted to pass on to you wise words from my Dad when times are tough and we can see only the darkness of the storm, no rainbows and clear skies! He would say to you, "Kris, I know you have been trough a hell of a storm, now grab those boot straps, pick yourself up and smile at the sunshine and rainbows tomorrow!" This has always moved me toward a better place and a brighter day! You are so talented and a loving, brilliant woman and I know you will be blessed with a change for the better! Stay strong and keep your chin up! Love Ya Girl!

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  13. I'm trying to imagine the horror you must have felt when Kaia died so suddenly. I hope you were with someone Kris.

    Framces at My Shetland sells things on her blog. Maybe she could advise on how to set it up.
    I recently purchased an e-book for 15.00 on watercoloring. Could you write a short manual on donkey care? Or the story of how you accumulated your herd? Or the nature of donkeys (and mules)?

    We're all grieving the loss of dear Kaia. Even though some of us are far away, you're not alone.

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  14. Hi Kris
    I'm feeling your pain and loss with all my heart. We also know we have to be strong for our other animals that depend on us. We can't let grief take up too much space in our hearts where the love and memories should be. Hang in there. Sending hugs and love your way.

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